2008: 9-6 (tied for 4th)
2007: 7-9 (8th)
2006: 6-9 (12th)
2008 was a breakout year for the Money Shots. After going in and out and in and out of losing seasons, owner JT Maier's squad finally finished in 4th Place.
Ms. Place was reportedly disturbed by being left a mess, but certified geniuses like JT don't have time for bagging their swimmers! They're watching hundreds of hours of video, devouring magazines, tirelessly scouting for talent, and, on occasion, stumbling upon some piece of information that actually pertains to football. Zip-tying an extra-small latex balloon to the stunningly narrow shaft of his love pickle is just too much distraction.
The steady leap from 12th, to 8th, and to 4th proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that this Mayer fella is much more than a disgraced, Pixie Stick-waving perv. It shows he has some unexplained affinity for numbers divisible by 4. Coincidentally, the Boston Strangler's little league jersey number, Charles Mansen's water polo arm floatie, and Jack the (JT) Ripper's cricket jersey number were all 4. (JTR was reputed to be quite the batsman!)
And whereas that tidbit wouldn't normally mean anything to anyone else, for JT Mirer, it means that the next number up by 4 is 0. Which doesn't make any sense. And that's exactly the point: the Money Shots' collection of stone losers doesn't make any sense.
If this team doesn't make the case against the poorly thought-out "Captain Morgan Brain Douche" line of beverages, then nothing can. With 90% of the team injured and the other half bereft of talent, JT is once again destined for the basement. And by that I mean a euphemistic basement, not JT's disgusting teen runaway dungeon where miscreants and vagabonds come face to face with horrors more intense than anything imaginable. Those two are totally, completely, different things.
That said, the emaciated teens would probably have a better chance of putting points on the board than Eddie Royal.
- by CDP
Small winky, massive disaster. Makes annoying comments on blog site.
Season Record: 3-10
1 comment:
I'm f**king serious, Tim. Get back on your meds!! (That said, your preview of Myer's team is spot on!)
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