Faces beamed, beer vanished, and the sports ignorance flowed like semen.
The only real highlight of the afternoon was that the damn thing ended.
A few notes...
After significant investigation, it was confirmed that the largest, messy burst of diarrhea splatter all around the toilet was caused by Karen. For this impressive accomplishment, Karen wins this year's Most Valuable Drafter. Congratulations Karen.
The distinctive crackling sound of freshly opened draft guides filled the flatulence-tinted air during the pre-draft gala. Most of the attendees determined to draft from a state of abject ignorance this season, given the dearth of "can't miss" players and the fact that these things are 80% luck anyway. This approach was certainly liberating and a great stress relief. This fact, however, had the typically hyper-prepared Bert brimming with confidence - during the times he wasn't using the Karen-saturated bathroom as an inhaler.
Several drafters unwittingly participated in the first remote, web-cam fondling ever performed in draft history. The techniques used by JT on the far end of the web-cam link were both innovative and very pleasing. This approach combined all the delightful benefits of a real, bona-fide, hands-on diddling with the added comfort associated with avoiding direct contact with the unquestionably horrifying array of bacteria and viruses infesting JT's fingers.
In addition, we discovered JT could use a bikini wax.
Two teams weren't present to impart their drafting genius: Tom K. (rhymes with gay) and Chris L (rhymes with gristle). The normally tortoise-like pace of the draft, led annually by the absurdly slow Patrique, was even more intolerable than usual due to their absence.
Reviews for each team will be arriving soon. Expert analysis of the draft strategies and the players selected will be discussed in each review.
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